What is it like for Children?

It was hard because on one hand I really hated her, on the other I still loved her…God knows why, she didn’t care. I used to shout and scream at her and then go and cry because it made no difference. In the end I had to leave, I didn’t want to be around it anymore. I still worry though, and get angry. (Laura, 17 page 9)

I just had enough one day, got really mad, went to school and then walked out halfway through and went into town. I nicked a few things and then got done by the police for chucking things over these railings at people underneath…Part of me did it just to see if they’d (his parents) be bothered. They weren’t though, just shouted and then carried on as normal. I have to go and see this woman every two weeks now (Youth Offending Team) to talk about my ‘behaviour’. They should be talking to them about theirs (his parents). (Danny, 14 page 10)

I didn’t really get anywhere at school. I missed loads ’cause they (her parents) didn’t bother telling me to go and then when I did go, I’d be worrying what was happening at home. When it came to exams, I never did any revision – you couldn’t in our house, there was always something going on. I remember one exam, I’d been up ’til four in the morning ’cause the police were round and then they were fighting. It’s no wonder I’m thick now. (Fiona, 17 page 11)

I didn’t really like to talk to my friends about it… They didn’t understand and anyway it was embarrassing, who wants to admit their families are alkies? I used to make things up to make it sound alright…One of my friends knew, I’d go round to her house if things got bad but you could tell her mum just let me stay because she felt sorry for me. (Ellie, 18 page 12)

I had to look after my brother, make sure he got up and went to school, had his tea…if I didn’t he wouldn’t have. I couldn’t go out after school ’cause he finished before me and I knew he’d be waiting, wanting to get in at home and my mum…she wasn’t always there or if she was, she’d be in bed. (Fiona, 17 page 15)


All quotes are from Turning Point’s ‘Bottling it Up’ report published in 2006 [pdf

A lot of the research in this area, much of which comes from the UK, has already been summarised elsewhere.  Link given below.

The quotes capture the essence of what living parental alcohol misuse is like for the millions of children who are affected. Further, the UK, led by its ENCARE partners at Brunel University, is leading one of the work packages on our current project which aims to collate data from each participating ENCARE country on issues related to the physical and mental health of children who are living with parental alcohol misuse (covering research, practice and policy).

To avoid repetition with the outputs of that project, and also with information that is elsewhere on the main ENCARE website, the key conclusions which have emerged from the work that has been undertaken, and which are pertinent to the UK, can be summarised as follows:

• Children can be greatly affected in a whole range of ways through living with parental alcohol misuse.
• Parental alcohol misuse can particularly affect the quality and consistency of parenting, thus impacting upon family environment and child development. However, it is important to remember that parents who have alcohol problems, or who struggle because a partner or spouse has an alcohol problem, are not ‘bad’ parents by default.
• Alcohol misuse is rarely the only problem present for these families. Further, it can often be the disruption that comes with parental alcohol misuse that causes more problems for children and their families than the alcohol consumption itself.
• As a result, children are at increased risk of experiencing harm, both in the short- and the long-term, including problems with physical and mental health, behavioural problems and substance use/misuse. Children often find themselves taking on a ‘caring’ role, particularly for their drunk parent or for siblings; this has a negative impact upon child development, educational attendance and performance as well as a child’s relationships with their peers and others.
• The full extent of problems associated with alcohol misuse is often kept ‘behind closed doors’, usually because of shame, guilt, fear and embarrassment, meaning that children can find it incredibly difficult to seek help or to talk openly about what is going on.
  Parental alcohol misuse will have a differential impact on children according to the child’s gender, age, developmental level, ethnic group and social class. Siblings in the same family very often experience the problems very differently, meaning that the impact on them should not be assumed to be the same.
• Substance misuse (including alcohol misuse) features highly on the cases of social workers, highlighting strong links between substance misuse and child abuse/neglect, often triggering child protection concerns.
• Linked to this, there is an ongoing debate in the UK as to the appropriate threshold to set, beyond which children should be removed from their families, and furthermore, how much opportunity families should be given to make the required changes for their children to remain with them.
• It is becoming increasingly recognised that children are not always as greatly affected by parental alcohol misuse as might be predicted. There is believed to be a range of protective factors and processes which, if present or introduced, can promote resilience thereby ‘buffering’ a child from such negative consequences and reducing short- and long-term harm.
• Drinking during pregnancy is a much debated issue. What is clear is that a foetus is at increased risk of harm if a mother drinks regularly and/or excessively during pregnancy, putting the baby at increased risk of birth defects and subsequently later problems with development and behaviour.
• Commonly called Foetal Alcohol Syndrome or Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, this issue is not covered in detail in this website. Read more on FAS on Encare main site or by accessing a couple of UK websites which cover the issue in detail - FASaware UK and the National Organisation on Foetal Alcohol Syndrome.

› Read more on risky environments on ENCARE main site

› Follow this link to understand more about identifying children who are living with parental alcohol misuse and who may need help, you can find out more about common signs to look out for, and ideas of how to talk to children to find out if they are living with parental alcohol misuse.

Is it Bad News for all Children?

My parent’s drinking…I guess it did me a favour in one way…made me not want to be like them, do something positive with my life. I knew I didn’t want to turn out like that, on the social
and everything. I got my exams and got a job straight after school. “It (the parental situation) hasn’t made me not drink, I still like to go out and have a laugh with my mates. But it has made me more aware of what happens when you take it too far, I’ve seen what it can do. I won’t do that, I know my limits, I’m sensible. (Gemma, 18 page 11 – quote from Turning Point’s’ Bottling it Up’ report)

There is growing evidence that some children are not always as adversely affected by parental alcohol problems as suggested by the research in this area. Increased recognition is being given to a set of protective factors and processes (individual, familial and environmental) that, if present, can buffer children against the negative effects of parental alcohol misuse thus reducing the risks of harm in the short- and the long-term. This phenomenon is commonly called resilience.  It is discussed in more detail elsewhere in this website

› Read more on resilience from the main ENCARE site

› Relevance to UK practice is also discussed elsewhere under 'What can I do?'